Nama (mother f@#*ing ) ste

When I signed up for this retreat on a whim I really had not idea what I was in for. I just jump into the task at hand. Those of you who know me, know that following directions is not really my thing. I am the person who puts together Ikea furniture and ends up with that extra piece. That being said, sometimes ignorance is bliss!

It is day 4 and it seems like I have known these people forever. I was nervous at first because most of the people on the trip are 25 not 25 x2 and how would I fit in. Major insecure moment! I thought about it realized that I had 25 more years of learning and living which gave more time to gain wisdom. The inside me that thinks I'm 25 has been humbled by the reality of my 25 x2 body. If I can share anything with my peers is love your body for showing up everyday for your inside self. My 50 year old body is hating my inside self for pushing it like it was 25. Today I decided I am going to be true to my 50 year old self and meet my body where it needs to be. It hard sometimes to get past our ego but sometimes you just have to throw your arms in the air and accept the reality.

I have learned so much about the journey of life. It sounds sort of corny (yes I'm definitely 50 with that word) and I cannot wait to my first retreat to share the insights I have learned to help myself with all of you and re establish our goals for Chapter 3.

We really get stuck in our everyday lives and feel like we are trapped. This could not be more untrue.

Again why travel to figure these life lessons and goals out?

I was told that healing from any past experience cannot be truly done in the environment where you experienced the pain. Obviously there are many extremes and I am not suggesting every time you have a bad day hop on a plane. I do know through this experience that changing my surroundings has given me the opportunity to figure out how to create the space I need to breathe and live life easier......

Feeling Scared

The experiences that scare you are the ones you grow most from. I want to be clear since I have three boys. I don't mean jump off some crazy cliff or rock climb some crazy mountain.

I am a very impulsive person. I tend to act before I think which does not always. work in my favor. In March I had a what. am I doing with. my. life moment. My multi million dollar (in my mind) grip spray that I was sure i was going to land me on the Today show was now dead in the water. or at least drowning. So the light went off in my head and I decided I needed to get certified as a yoga teacher. I had already committed to work the weekend my studio was beginning their training. I impulsively texted Jonah Kest and asked if he offered teacher training. He immediately texted back and said yes September in Costa Rica for 18 days and bring your spray. it is amazing the connections we make that become important parts of our story. Without a second thought I decided I am jumping in!

The summer flew by as I was doing yoga, cooking for my boys, studying to be a travel advisor, cooking my boys and again cooking for my boys (my guilty pleasure). It wasn't until the Sunday before I left that I thought "am I crazy?! Costa Rica for 18 days?!"The panic set in and I took a xanax. Scared was an understatement. I was traveling to another country, without knowing a soul, to training I knew little about, The feeling was similar to the anticipation of going to college or having my first child. Fear of the unknown.

And here is where the beauty is. I got to the retreat and was surrounded by 35 people of the same mindset. The most eye opening and inspiring moment was connecting with these people of all ages from all over the world.who were in the same uncomfortable spot. We are all so different yet all the same trying to weave the narrative of our life no matter what chapter we were in.

Weaving the narrative thru Chapter 2 ...

I was in a terrible spot mentally and needed to focus on a goal. This goal turned out to be developing a yoga spray, one which allowed yogees to grip to their mat even when sweaty. I knew I was on to something, and met my soon-to-be business partner in a yoga class. She informed me that her daughter was dating my son. Who knew?! I certainly hadn't! I made the classic mistake of a mom who only has boys and went all in with the family. I was so excited to have a girl around. I explained my idea to my new friend (the girlfriend's mom) and she loved it. We worked hard and brought the product to life.

Eventually, the kids broke up. But we were on a path of our own by that point. I travelled to L.A. with the prototype (because, in my mind, everyone in California did yoga.) I hit every hot studio from Beverly Hills to Malibu. Everyone loved the product, so we went into production. I funded my half with remainder of my money from my IRA.

We launched the product in January of 2020 and were gaining customers and exposure quickly. I travelled to Marin County, to a studio that purchased our product, spending the weekend doing pop-ups to educate the yogis on our new product: "Stay and Get A Grip". I was so excited and passionate that one of the sweetest women in the class suggested I contact her family friend Jonah Kest. Wow! When I looked up who he was, and discovered his father and uncle coined the term "power yoga", I knew I had hit the jackpot.

I connected with Jonah and was floored by his kindness, disposition and willingness to help a stranger. I sent him the spray and he loved it! He posted about the spray, and our site blew up. We stayed connected, and I appreciated his friendship.

I continued to plan pop-ups all over Southern CT and NYC. Then, the pandemic hit. The world shut down. The momentum that we had died. Many people retreated into their own caves during Covid (we were no different.) When we finally tried to get back to the business, we had developed different ideas on how to market our product.

I knew we needed to change something and I suggested we go our separate ways. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, but I followed my heart. We dissolved the LLC. I lost a dear friend. The decision to break the business partnership was not personal, but things shook out that way.

I was working at a local market through the pandemic and was now, once again, floundering. How could I make a difference in the world? How could I accomplish something to be proud of?

It is funny how we view ourselves and our accomplishments. I have 3 amazing, kind, respectful boys. They survived a terrible marriage and an even more difficult divorce. My mother reminds me every time I say I feel like a "life loser" how wonderful my children are. I know that I should embrace that accomplishment, but I had a fabulous mother so the way that I raised my boys did not feel much like a choice or an accomplishment at all. I parented the only way I knew how.

I decided I wanted to help people. That has always made me feel good. It is sort of selfish if you think about it, but everyone wins in the end. I wanted to plan trips for anyone who felt like they needed to find their way and re-establish their goals (much like how I was feeling).

The first step was to be able to build on my life-coaching and become a trained yoga teacher. 200 hours, the mandatory amount, turned out to be a LOT of time for a working mom. The Yoga Shop where I practice has training on the weekend, and that didn't work for me with hockey games and family dinners.

So I reached out to my old friend Jonah Kest, who had supported my yoga spray venture years before. In a very impulsive moment in March, I decided to sign up for his 200 hour training in Costa Rica over a shortened span: 18 days. I realized that I needed to do something for myself. This was way out of my comfort zone, but I figured it was my 50th birthday gift to myself. I consider this moment the start to my Chapter 3, the moment I began drafting the most recent section of my trilogy.